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When Family Members Disagree
Home » Genealogy » Genealogy - Truth or Fiction » When Family Members DisagreePosted by Your Guide on July 6, 2006 9:31 PM
As we share family stories with others, it is important to recount them as accurately as possible. And when talking with family members about their memories of events, it is important to remember that even if Great Aunts Betty and Shirley remember things differently, it may be that neither of them is right or wrong. When this occurs, it is important to document both versions, giving credit to each, and to point out that even though there are differences, each version is valid for historical as well as emotional reasons.
It is important to remember that all accounts of an event are important. No one person's memory can be all encompassing or complete. To get an overall picture of the event, the memories of all involved are necessary to complete the picture.
For example, think about how the memories of just one Christmas celebration will differ when viewed through the eyes of the adults and the children at the celebration. Adults will remember the preparation for the event and the smiles of the children as they rip open the wrappings. Children will remember how hard it was to wait until the adults finally gave the ok to unwrap their gifts. Children can very rarely tell you what adults were in the room, but adults can often remember every adult but perhaps not all the children. In order to get the full picture of this family celebration, the accounts of both adults and children are necessary.
The same is true for family legends, stories, and history. The fact that we all remember different parts of the story only serves to provide a more complete picture of the events. So when your aunts disagree, write down both accounts and thank them for providing as complete a picture of the event as they knew how. Educate them on the importance of writing down all the different viewpoints and many different opinions without judgment or revision.
However, if you have an account of an event that is later proven to be inaccurate, it is perfectly permissible to add a note to the end of that person's account stating how later research disproved or added to the original story. History is not a static endeavor and when memory and emotion are added to the mix, it should be expected that there will be differences of opinion.
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